TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
1. Vancouver : 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math.
2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.
3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
4. There’s always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
5. Weed.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA
1. Big rock between you and B.C.
2. Ottawa who?
3. Tax is 5% instead of the approximately 200% it is for the rest of the country.
4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
5. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own country.
6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN
1. You never run out of wheat.
2. Your province is really easy to draw.
3. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
4. People will assume you live on a farm.
5. Daylight savings time? Who the hell needs that!
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA
1. You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a beachfront property.
2. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
1. You live in the centre of the universe.
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
1. Racism is socially acceptable.
2. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next.
3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada .
4. You can blame all your problems on the “Anglo A*#!%!”
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.
2. You’re poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick .
4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can’t, think they can.
2. You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and wear a kilt.
3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island , you still got the big, new bridge.
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
3. You can drive across the province in two minutes.
4. Everyone has been an extra on “Road to Avonlea.”
5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.
6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.
2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
3. The workday is about two hours long.
4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding.
Thanks for the info! As an American who is unfamiliar with Canada (I am ashamed to admit) its helpful even to see the names of the different provinces. You are full of a wide spectrum of useful information – you be the man!
As a Canadian from Toronto (and yes, we are at the center of the universe), I must say that you very accurately characterize each and every province. Canada is a mighty big country, with a lot of diversity from one coast to the other. And we have our wonderful, lovely French contingent that we have to continually suck up to in order to keep them happy. This is a great list, Peter !
I read this blog everyday and appreciate everyone’s input. It is like a virtual community that I can tap into at any time. This is a great blog !!
Ron.
Hilarious! Peter you nailed every province. We folks outside of Toronto/GTA just let them think they are the centre of the universe. Less crying and complaining that way.
Peter – pretty good summary.
This was a while back, but I believe the CIA did a study about which provinces to annex if Canada broke apart. The conclusion was to take British Columbia because it would attach Alaska to the lower 48, and it had resources. Alberta was a tossup because the oil fields were in decline (the tar sands weren’t taken seriously at the time).
The rest of the country wasn’t worth taking. Why?
Saskatchewan & Manitoba – more farmers to subsidize
New Brunswick, Nova Scotio, PEI and Newfoundland – more “have not” provinces to subsidize
Ontario – more rustbelt
Quebec – just too much trouble
well now you know all about us Canadians ey!
That pretty much sums it up. I realy like the part about Manitoba, “You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a beachfront property”…LOL
Manitoba
and don’t forget about provincal bird…..the mosquito
Very interesting, but if I remember my Geography correctly I recall two other (small?) pieces of Canadian “soil:” Yukon and Northwest Territories. Perhaps those folks are relieved and happy not to be considered a part of Canada!!!! As an after thought and something I believe Peter knows something about I wonder what the known mineral resource distribution is across all of Canada?
Peter, love the list!!! Susan, maybe the best thing you can learn about Canada is from the responses to the list. Trashing the whole country and not one angry response. Willing to laugh at ourselves is probably one of our greatest strengths. In that vein, a video you might find humouroushttp://www.heavy.com/video/canadian-police-chase-video–59860/
the yukon and Northwest are not provinces the are territories as is Nunavut. No one really knows anything about anything them … yeah they have capitals like yellowknife and whitehorse and tuktayuktut (which means people of the deer.
There is also a 24 hour golf tournament in the summer on the tundra … it doesn’t get dark just a it dim, but who cares there is lots of beer consumed.
They are a very strategic location and will be quite tropical after the myth of global warming burns all the lands below the 49th parallel to a crisp.
the prophet
hahaha Matthew there is also Nunavit now as well lol. And they are kind of a big deal because for some reason our Olympic trademark is a Indian stone person…..go figure it represents 1% or less of Canadas population. Dont forget that our noble animal of choice is the beaver:P But joking aside im more then happy to be on this side of the 49th parallel. GO CANUCKS!
Well Manitoba has beaches that make mexico envious…suuuurrre you can catch ecoli by going for a swim and sure you can buy a back lot and end up with prime beach front, but that sand…white and fine. And where the heck else can you feed fuzzy white polar bears, swim with the seals, only have to pay to run your freezer for half the year. Where else can do you see flies that eat big chunks of road kill in one swallow and hoards of mosquitoes that clean up the blood after.Where else can you hunt in to your hearts content and kill off mother natures finest lifeforms or fish in crystal clear water for abundance of pickerel.Suurrre the waters a bit cool but it refreshes your mind and spirit without having to pay for an expensive week at a sweat resort. Where else can you see politicians that can BS in numerous languages and backtrack like Michael Jackson moon walking. Where else can you wear fur for a good part of the year or dress like the Goodyear blimp in a nice puffy down jacket with a hoody attached to protect your skin from being pitted from ice pellets in a winters blast from the North. We relish not having mosquitoes or black flies for 6 months of cool weather and just think, just outside the city of Winnipeg, you can see as far as the eye can see. Rolling wheat fields, little cute gophers popping there heads up and flat prairie where it becomes very economical to drive since a good wind pushes your vehicle along, so you could say it’s a very “green” province… we’re hardy people, well preserved and haven’t you heard…it’s “Friendly Manitoba”…well unless you’re in a car and ty and cut us off, then we’ll even for no charge,teach you a lesson or two about road rage. Ah yes beaches, hunting, fishing and to boot more sun year round than anywhere in Canada. And yes you don’t have to stand in line[for long] to get a doctor to look at you or even to get your passport updated….life is good in friendly Manitoba, where most Manitoba start there day in a Tim Horton’s coffee line or sitting in front of there fireplace with the two page Winnipeg Free press reading the same news they read last week for the 7th time….life is very good.
Klaus Willmann wasnt it u yesterday saying that in the next few days or nights we would have a good move in gold? kitco chart just went vertical! well done Klaus!
Off topic, but that sale of 200 tonnes of IMF gold to India Central Bank seems to have the PM’s moving today.
Took an hour or so to sink in, apparently.
Doesn’t look like the IMF is going to accept my stink bid now, though.
Regards,
Roger.
“Doesn’t look like the IMF is going to accept my stink bid now, though.”
Now that’s funny Roger!!!!!!
I only mentioned the Yukon and Northwest Territories as my uncle (my dad’s brother – both geologists) was the Exxon coordinator basing out of Calgary for Exxon’s exploratory drilling in the Mackenzie delta in the mid70s. Most people (Peter not included) and politicians are basically ignorant about the minerals that make life easier for humans and the unequal distribution of Things Geologic as my father always used to say. Go Coyotes!!!
great stuff…..now try doing that with the U.S. states….lol
The nickname for Winnipeg is Winter-peg..
Great list Peter! You’re always welcome in Canada, your home away from home, and you’re welcome to defect here any time. You would fit right in with your wonderful spirit of caring for others, but the accent might stick out a little bit though “eh”!!
Ryan M,
I think it was Jair who made that call. I’m an old timer, not a gold timer – lol.
The best reasons to live in Canada:
1 – It’s not the USA. Don’t get me wrong, I love the USA. I just don’t want to live there.
2 – No Glenn Beck, no Rush Limbaugh, no Bill O’Reilly, no Sean Hannity. No Rupert Murdoch, period. The news media actually reports news up here, not ideological garbage and fear-mongering.
3 – Universal public single-payer health insurance for all, with private clinics available to those who can afford them. It’s the only way to go. There’s no such thing as ‘pre-existing medical conditions’ that will be used by your insurer as an excuse to deny coverage. Medical care in Canada means your doc is trusted to diagnose and treat you without interference from an insurance company bureaucrat. Insurance company overhead + profit in the USA = 30% of insurance premiums; in Canada, overhead is 2%. In the USA, you spend 17% of GDP for overpriced health care that denies coverage to 20% of the population, not counting the cost of debt and bankruptcy caused by uninsured medical bills. In Canada, everybody has insurance, nobody has to borrow or go broke because of unpaid medical bills, and it costs 9% of GDP. Case closed. Single-payer wins.
4 – The world’s most stable – and profitable – banking system.
5 – Capitalism with a human face.
6 – Conservative governments (federal and provincial) that are actually fiscally conservative. Even Canadian liberals are, mostly, fiscal conservatives. While George W. Bush was doubling the US national debt, Canadians paid down about a quarter of their debt.
8 – Open spaces. Room to roam, dream and be optimistic about the future.
7 – Poutine.
Poutine was invented by a greedy heart surgeon.
(Greasy french fries, greasy cheese curds, and greasy gravy for the unsuspecting).
Peter, been a hard work day but you put a smile on it. Born in Winterpeg 1945, left at 16 (for BC) never wanting to return. Vancouver, White Rock, rest of my life. ‘Yes’ feel blessed, want to give a BIG KUDO to all those other submit’s. Chris R, John, Klaus W, Good Stuff..Y
Yogi, Why would you leave Winnipeg? That`s where Winnie the Pooh was born.
C’mon Randy!! No one doesn’t know how bad that stuff is!! “unsuspecting” indeed!! ( But I love it anyway!)